Until it's gone
by mysticleopard
Summary: Arthur banished Merlin after finding out about his magic. A year later Arthur realises his mistake and lifts the ban on magic, hoping his friend will return. But will he? Merthur (Arthur/Merlin slash) Arthur's POV
1. Chapter 1

**Hey all, this is my first ever fanfic. Hope you enjoy it :) **

**The title is a suggestion from my friend, in reference to the saying 'You don't know what you've got until it's gone'**

**Arthur may sound a little OOC in this but I think it's because it's his thoughts so other people won't hear them. He tries to hide his emotions from others (execpt from Merlin, since Merlin's just that good at reading Arthur it wouldn't matter if he tried to hide them anyway) but he doesn't need to hide them from himself.**

**Contains: Merthur (Merlin/Arthur)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin :( Otherwise Merthur would be real **

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It had been 2 weeks since the ban on magic had been lifted. 2 long weeks. The people were happy, many believing that magic wasn't completely evil but had been too scared to speak up for fear of execution. There were the odd one or two people who still thought magic is evil, that disagreed with the choice, but that was guaranteed. They hopefully would come around once they see the benefits of having magic helping.

I should have been happy, my people were at peace, those with magic were steadily coming to Camelot to trade and live, and everyone said I was a good King, one who treated them fairly. But I wasn't happy. There was still something -someone- missing. Why had he not returned? Did he still think he wasn't allowed back? He was one of the main reasons I lifted the ban on magic for god's sake.

What if he wasn't ok? What if he was injured? What if he's just lying there, wounded, dying for all I know. It would be all my fault. My fault since I banished him, threw him out of Camelot for something that he has used for nothing but my own and Camelot's protection. Something that he has had since birth, something that he couldn't help. It wasn't like he asked for it. With what Gaius has said about his magic he was perfectly capable of destroying Camelot if he wanted, but instead he had used it to help, for good. And I thanked him by throwing him out.

What kind of a man am I? I ignored everything I knew about this kind, caring, loyal man, my best friend (though I never admitted that), the man I had- and still do- love with all my heart (again, never mentioned that either), and listened to my father's teachings. I ignored his words, his pleas for me to listen, about how he would never hurt me, about how he was loyal to me and only me, and I called him a liar, a traitor, a backstabbing evil sorcerer. His face when I hurled these words at him still haunts me in my nightmares even now, a year later. The pure fear, pain and sadness in his eyes. I never want to see that on his face again, never want to be the one that does that to him.

I step away from the window I have been staring out of as the knights' return from a search. He's not with them. I feel the tear slide down my cheek.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin**

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That was a week ago. There has still been nothing.

I hear a knock on my door. I ignore it; I don't want to talk to anyone right now. They knock again, and then enter anyway.

"Arthur?"

Looking up from the paperwork I have been staring at for who knows how long, I find Gwaine standing at the doorway.

"Go away Gwaine, I'm not in the mood"

"You will want to come with me Arthur, this is important" He hasn't been his usual self since Merlin left Camelot, laughing and joking less, and he didn't talk to me for while after I banished Merlin, I don't even know why he stayed in Camelot. He has only really started talking properly to me again when I said I wanted to find Merlin and I wanted to lift the ban on magic.

"What is it?"

"There's an issue Gaius needs you to look at, he's in his chambers"

"What's wrong? Has something happened?"

"Come and see for yourself"

I stand up from my desk and walk to Gwaine at the door. I feel as though something isn't quite right about what he is saying, but I don't really fancy questioning it. We walk in silence towards Gaius's chambers, somewhere I've rarely gone recently due to guilt and sadness. I can hardly look at Gaius without feeling horrible for what I've done to someone he considered a son.

When we get there, Gwaine walks in first, and I follow behind. Gaius, Gwen, Leon, Elyan and Percival are all already there, and I quizzically look at Gaius, trying to work out what this problem is. He doesn't seem concerned at all. He speaks.

"Sire, you said the other day the chambers for Merlin's new room were ready to have his belongings put in them, so I need to ask you to give me a hand moving his stuff"

I look at him, then at the door to Merlin's old room. Indeed I had had new chambers cleaned and sorted out for if Merlin returned, as he was to become Court sorcerer and first advisor if he still wanted to stay after what I had done. But moving his stuff meant going into his room, somewhere that I have not entered since Merlin's banishment.

"Come on Arthur, we need to do it" Leon said, gesturing for me to go first. My mind questions why they are all here. Merlin didn't have that much stuff (the guilt washes through me at those words) and even then a lot of it will have gone with him when he left. I look at the others, who all stare back. Well, it looks like I have no choice. I walk very slowly towards the small steps leading to the door, but it still seems like no time at all until I'm stood at the top, hand on the door. I slowly push it open and walk in. I freeze at the sight in front of me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin**

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I can't move. I do nothing but stand there, one hand still on the door, my mouth gaping. Is this real? Please I hope to god it is. I slowly feel myself move close the door, my mind still processing what is happening. He's not moved the whole time, stood facing me but staring at the floor in front of him.

"Mer- Merlin?" He slowly looks up at me, his blue eyes full of a mixture of hope, nervousness and slight fear, their usual brightness lacking. He stares at me for a second before he's looking at the floor again. He looks no different to the way he did a year ago, same soft pale skin, raven hair that I want run my hands through. Even his ridiculous red neckerchief is still there, tied around his long tempting neck.

"H- Hi Arthur" He moves his hand to rub the back of neck in nervousness. I take a step forward, and when he doesn't move, take another and another until I'm stood in front of him. Reaching my hand out I gently place it on his shoulder, briefly imagining it going through as though he was just some figment of my imagination, but it doesn't. He flinches at the touch, looking at the hand, then at me, then quickly returning to staring at the floor. I do the first thing that pops into my head. I pull him into a hug, wrapping one arm around his back and the other around his waist, holding him tightly to me for fear he would vanish. I bury my face into his neck, but make sure my mouth is still free to talk. His whole body tenses up, and he doesn't return the hug.

"I'm sorry Merlin, I'm so so sorry for what I've done. I'm an idiot, a prat, whatever the hell you want to call me, I'd deserve it. I shouldn't have called you those things, I shouldn't have banished you. I'm so sorry" I can feel the tears pouring out of my eyes, but I don't bother wiping them away. He slowly relaxes, and then cautiously brings his arms up, wrapping them around my back. He then squeezes me back tightly.

"I think complete and utter dollophead will do Arthur" I choke out a laugh through my tears "I'm sorry too, and I need to ask for your forgiveness. I've lied to you from the day we have met, sneaked around behind your back and caused Camelot some big trouble. I'm-"

"No Merlin, you don't need to say anymore, to ask for forgiveness. I understand why you lied to me, why you hid your magic from me. You did it to survive, I would have done the same, and I reacted completely wrong to the discovery, allowing my father's views to cloud my judgment. Can you forgive me? Will you stay? Please" I prayed he would, I needed him, I couldn't lose him again.

"Of course I forgive you, and why would I be here if I wasn't back to stay. I've missed you- err everyone" I smile and pull away slightly, allowing me to see his face. He smiling too, his beautiful smile that I've missed so much, his magical blue eyes once again brightly shining in happiness. He removes one of his hands from my back, gently bringing it up to my face and rubbing away the tears that are still there. He keeps his hand rested on my cheek when he has done.

"I thought you said no man was worth your tears?" I gently lean forwards, resting my forehead against his, staring into his eyes. He doesn't move away or remove his hand.

"You are" I can't hold back any longer. I press my lips against his, feeling how soft they are, feeling the tingles run through my body at this simple contact. Merlin tenses up in shock, not responding. I suddenly realise my mistake, that I may have just scared him off and lost him just as I've got him back. I move to pull away but before I can he suddenly responds, mouth moving against mine in a perfect kiss that I never want to end. I pull his body up as close as I can, wanting as little space between us as possible. Merlin moans and moves his hand from my cheek to the back of my neck, his hand gripping my hair. I gently bite his lower lip, earning another moan from Merlin, and giving me the chance to slip my tongue into his mouth, deepening the kiss. Our tongues meet and dance together. We stand like this until the need to air causes us to break apart, but I rest my forehead back against his, eyes closed committing this moment to memory.

"Arthur" I open my eyes. Merlin's looking back at me with such happiness and love, I couldn't help but sweep in for another kiss. When we next break apart, I whisper something that I've wanted to tell him for a very long time.

"I love you Merlin"

"I love you too Arthur"


End file.
